When Respect Becomes ‘Old-Fashioned’: The Tony Elumelu Name-Calling Debate

A short viral video can sometimes provoke a much bigger conversation than its few seconds would suggest. The recent video in which a young woman addressed billionaire businessman Tony Elumelu by his first name, only for him to correct her and make it clear that he does not subscribe to such a practice, is one of those moments.

On the surface, it may appear to be a minor matter of etiquette. Some may dismiss it as a generational difference or corporate culture. Others may argue that names are simply names and that there is nothing inherently disrespectful about addressing an adult by his first name. Indeed, in many corporate environments around the world, first-name culture is not merely accepted; it is actively encouraged. It is seen as a way of breaking down hierarchy, making workplaces more approachable and promoting a sense of equality among colleagues.

But there is a danger in assuming that what works in one cultural environment must automatically be transplanted into another.

Africa has its own social grammar. One of its most enduring principles is respect for age. It is woven into the way we greet, speak, relate and conduct ourselves around people who are older than us. It is not an accidental feature of African society. It is part of the cultural inheritance passed from one generation to another.

And that is why the Elumelu incident deserves more than ridicule, outrage or jokes about a billionaire being unable to answer to his first name. It deserves a conversation about whether, in our enthusiasm to embrace modern corporate culture, we are gradually abandoning some of the values that have historically held African societies together.

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The point is not that every older person should automatically be treated as infallible, nor that younger people must be permanently submissive to those who are older. Respect does not mean surrendering one’s voice, intelligence or dignity. Nor should age become a licence for elders to demand unquestioning obedience.

The issue is simpler: there are culturally appropriate ways of addressing people who are significantly older than us.

In the traditional African setting, calling someone old enough to be your father by his first name is perceived as disrespectful. That perception is not necessarily about the name itself. It is about what the manner of address communicates.

Language carries social meaning. When a Nigerian child addresses his father, mother, uncle, aunt or respected elder, the choice of words often communicates the relationship between them. We have historically had expressions and titles that acknowledge age, status, responsibility and social position. These forms of address are not empty decorations. They tell the person being addressed, and everyone listening, that we recognise their place in the social order.

This is particularly important in a society where the distinction between age groups has traditionally carried enormous significance.

There is something deeply African about greeting an older person properly. There is something deeply African about standing when an elder enters a room. There is something deeply African about referring to an older person with a title or respectful form of address rather than casually calling them by their first name. These practices may look old-fashioned to some, but they represent a cultural expression that should not be discarded simply because another society has adopted a different model.

Of course, the modern workplace complicates this. Multinational corporations often import corporate cultures from Europe and North America. In many of these environments, hierarchy is deliberately softened. A managing director may be “David.” A chief executive may be “Sarah.” A senior executive may introduce herself to a junior employee by her first name and expect the same courtesy in return.

There is nothing inherently wrong with that. Corporate cultures are not universally right or wrong. They are shaped by history, social values and institutional philosophy. A first-name culture can encourage openness. It can make junior employees feel more comfortable approaching senior executives. It can reduce unnecessary barriers and, in some circumstances, foster collaboration.

There is, however, a distinction between professional equality and cultural uniformity. Africa does not need to abandon its cultural values simply because some Western corporations have normalised first-name relationships. We can build modern, sophisticated, globally competitive organisations without becoming cultural replicas of other societies.

In fact, some of the most successful African organisations should be capable of demonstrating precisely this balance: embracing innovation without abandoning identity.

The irony is that Africans are often accused of losing their culture, and yet we sometimes seem remarkably eager to discard the smallest expressions of that culture in the name of modernity. We celebrate African food, fashion, music and art on global platforms, but when it comes to social values, we can suddenly become embarrassed by our own traditions.

That should make us pause.

If an older African man is introduced to a young person, there is nothing backward about the young person choosing a respectful form of address. It does not diminish the young person’s intelligence. It does not make the younger person less modern. It does not mean that the older person is superior in every respect.

It simply means: I recognise your age and I respect the place you occupy in my society. That distinction is important.

There is also a tendency in contemporary discussions about respect to frame it as something that must always be earned through achievement. That is an incomplete understanding of African culture. In many African communities, respect is partly relational. You respect someone because of who they are in relation to you—an elder, parent, teacher, community leader or senior member of society, even before you know their bank balance, educational credentials or professional accomplishments.

But rejecting the abuse of respect is not the same as rejecting respect itself.

This is where the debate around the viral video should mature.

The question should not be whether Tony Elumelu is important enough to be called “Sir.” He does not need a billion-dollar fortune to deserve basic courtesy. Nor should the conversation become about whether a billionaire is “too proud” to accept his first name. The more interesting question is whether the young woman, in the context of an African social interaction, should reasonably have understood that first-name familiarity might not be appropriate.

Mr. Elumelu’s correction, therefore, can be interpreted as a personal preference, but it can also be viewed within the broader African tradition of age-based respect. And there is nothing wrong with saying that.

We should also be careful not to turn this into an attack on young Africans. The younger generation is growing up in a profoundly different world. Social media has flattened hierarchies. Globalisation has erased geographical boundaries. American and European workplace conventions are consumed daily through television, films, podcasts, LinkedIn, TikTok and other platforms. Young Africans naturally absorb these influences.

The answer cannot be to condemn them for being modern. Instead, older generations must teach them what should remain distinctly African.

We need to explain why we greet elders in certain ways. Why titles matter. Why courtesy matters. Why an older person may prefer not to be addressed casually. Why respecting an elder does not mean being intellectually inferior. And why cultural adaptation should not become cultural erasure.

At the same time, older Africans must recognise that respect is reciprocal. The younger generation deserves respect too. An elder who insists on respect must also conduct himself in a manner worthy of it. Authority should not become arrogance, as it is common with politicians. Neither should tradition become a weapon for humiliating younger people.

The healthiest African society will be one in which the old respect the young and the young respect the old.

There is, however, a larger lesson here for African corporations.

As businesses become increasingly global, they will inevitably encounter different ideas about hierarchy and workplace interaction. Some companies may legitimately decide to adopt first-name cultures. If so, that should be a deliberate organisational choice, clearly communicated to employees, not something assumed to be universally appropriate.

A Nigerian company can say, “We call everyone by their first name here.” That is a corporate policy. It is different from saying that Africans should no longer regard respectful forms of address as culturally meaningful.

There is room for both. One can work in a first-name corporate environment and still understand that outside that specific organisational culture, calling an older person by his first name may be considered disrespectful.

Context matters.

The danger of modernity is not modernity itself. The danger is the mistaken belief that everything old is inferior and everything foreign is superior.

Africa has enough history, philosophy and social wisdom to know better. We should modernise our institutions, improve our businesses, embrace technology, compete globally and create workplaces where people can speak freely. But none of these objectives requires us to throw away the simple cultural principle that an elder deserves respect.

Calling someone old enough to be your father by his first name may be perfectly normal in some parts of the world. In the African context, it is deeply inappropriate.

That is not necessarily backwardness. It is simply culture. One that we cannot throw away easily.

And perhaps the lesson from the Tony Elumelu episode is that in our rush to become global citizens, we must not forget that we are still Africans. A global outlook should expand our horizons, not erase our identity. We can learn from other cultures without surrendering our own.

Respect for elders is one of the values that has survived generations of African history. It deserves to be preserved—not because every tradition is beyond criticism, but because a society that forgets how to honour its elders risks losing an important part of its understanding of community, continuity and human dignity.

So, yes, corporations may call their CEOs by their first names. Colleagues may choose informality. Organisations may deliberately flatten hierarchies.

But when an African encounters someone old enough to be his or her father, there should still be room for the instinct to say, “Sir,” “Ma,” “Uncle,” “Aunty,” or another culturally appropriate form of respect.

That instinct is not primitive. It is African. And there are some things we should be modern enough not to discard